Benefits:
The second point in the Mind realm is to start developing a deeper insight into what’s going on for you mentally and emotionally. The purpose of this tool is to create some space to acknowledge any lingering emotional issues that may have accumulated in your life, and then attempt to process them.
Modern life is busy and most people’s emotional awareness is effected by this pace of life. Lots of things will happen in the average person’s day that will cause them some annoyance or resentment, which often they don’t get an opportunity to process or express. Or they may be experiencing fear, which they haven’t stopped to acknowledge, around things that might happen (or not happen). Yet more emotional baggage could be being carried around as unprocessed sadness/grief.
Action:
At least 2 x per week, Journal x 20+ mins
Journal Instructions:
1) How are you feeling? (10-20 secs):
Ask yourself “How are you feeling out of 10?”. 10 is really good, 1 is terrible. Don’t overthink it, this is just a general gut feeling. You’re not allowed a 7 (everyone goes for a 7). If you’re inclined to go for 7, you have to choose 6.9 or 7.1
2) Quick overview (2-3 minutes):
Start by writing some bullet points of events/themes of that day or days since the last journal. Consult your diary/calendar. Where have you been, who have you seen, what has happened? Don’t get into any detail. This is just to remind you of events. Also write down any other bigger themes that are going on for you that aren’t specific to those days. Don’t forget to record any things that have made you feel happy as well as the challenges (these might be useful for tomorrows Gratitude List). Leave a space under each point for the next step.
3) What emotions are you feeling? (1-2 minutes):
For each of the events/themes, write which emotion/s it is bringing up for you (there are many more extensive models that define emotions, this is just a very simple one to work with):
- Fear
- Anger/resentment
- Sadness/Grief
- Shame/Guilt
- Happiness/Joy
4) Write down the story (4-6 minutes):
Steps 4-8 could be done for multiple items that you’ve listed in step 2 if you have lots of time. This could be a lengthy process though. I would suggest that you prioritise the one that is bothering you most currently and work on that for today. You will spot the stories that keep on appearing on your step 2 list and need addressing the more you do this process.
Write out the story around the event/theme you’ve chosen. Write it conversationally, just as if you were telling someone the story. It may be a paragraph or two or may be a whole page of writing.
5) Read it out (2-4 minutes):
This often works best if you’re working with someone, as the vulnerability of sharing the story can deepen the releasing process. But if you’re doing this process on your own it still works fine if you read it aloud.
Read it slowly (preferably 30% slower than normal speaking pace), with a short pause after each sentence.
As you read it you may have emotion come up. If so, honour the emotion and allow yourself to feel it fully – Where are you feeling it in your body? Does it have a shape and/or colour? Give it a number out of 10 (1 is low, 10 is high).
If you know it is there but you’re struggling to really feel it, a part of you may be sub-consciously keeping it at bay. Thank that part of you for protecting you, ask it if it will take a small step back in your mind to allow you to feel the emotion, then see what happens.
A visualisation that’s worked for me in the past is to imagine a flood gate or a large door that is holding back the feeling. Open it and allow the feeling to wash over you. Try to let go of any judgement of the feeling as “good” or “bad”. Just accept its presence.
Give yourself permission to scream (into a pillow if necessary), cry, laugh or really be in the fear for a little while.
6) Identify the core belief behind the story (1-2 minutes):
Once you’ve given yourself the permission to really feel these emotions (rather than trying to avoid feeling them or changing them with some kind of distraction), you’re in a much better position to see if there’s any thinking that is causing you to keep feeling this way unnecessarily or getting you stuck in the emotion when it comes up. You might decide that you’re perfectly happy with this emotional response to the circumstances and that this has just been a good opportunity to fully express the emotion and let it pass. However, you’ll often find that you’ve discovered an unhelpful belief that has have contributed to this. Write down the core belief involved in this emotional response. Often, the easiest way to identify this belief is see what the crux sentences were in the story and see what the belief is behind them. This step normally takes some practise and a willingness to be unusually honest with yourself.
7) Create new beliefs or affirmations (1-2 mins):
Write down a new belief you would like to carry forward into the future instead of the one above. Often these will be more forgiving/understanding and less judgemental of yourself or others. Sometimes they are simply the opposite belief to the one that has caused the reaction above. It helps to take out Soft Talk, Negations and Projections (you can learn more about these on Mind seminars).
You don’t have to fully believe it yet either, it can be aspirational. It doesn’t want to be something you really disagree with though, so experiment a little and find words you prefer or connect to more.
This new belief can be used as an affirmation in your Gratitude & Affirmation time (the 3rd Point in the Mind realm). With regular repetition, your reticular activating system will look for evidence to support this new belief and help you to embed it.
Going deeper:
You might find that some things keep appearing in your journal regularly that you are getting stuck on. If you find that following the practises above (raising your awareness of your feelings, allowing yourself to feel them fully, creating new beliefs and then using them as affirmations) still doesn’t seem to be shifting things, you might want to look at other practises that help you make deeper internal shifts. Here are some examples that I’ve had personal experience with and would recommend looking at:
- Internal Family Systems therapy – a transformative, evidence-based model of psychotherapy. It involves recognising different parts of yourself, developing a deeper understanding and relationship with them and then allowing your core Self to heal. A great book to learn about this is “No Bad Parts” by the creator, Richard Schwartz. Or look for a local therapist.
- Shadow Work or Emotional Processing Work – a powerful type of Jungian based archetypal therapy, designed to help you uncover your emotional wounds and learn to live with them from a place of wholeness. Speak to Andrew (qualified as a facilitator) or search online for a practitioner.
- Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy – a structured therapy that encourages the patient to briefly focus on a trauma memory while simultaneously experiencing bilateral stimulation (typically eye movements), which is associated with a reduction in the vividness and emotion associated with the trauma memories.
- Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP)
- Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT)
- Hypnotherapy
There are many more and some will suit you better than others, so do some personal investigation to find what’s right for you. Personal growth is a lifetime journey and I hope that this will be a starting point for you if you haven’t done any of this kind of work for yourself before.
